After months of avoiding my blog, I figured it was time to get back to work. But some things are easier said than done…
When I clicked on the webpage and discovered that I couldn’t remember my login name let alone the password, I took it as a sign. A sign that my mental health was deteriorating. To quickly suppress all thoughts about early onset Alzheimer’s I chalk it up to being mentally exhausted…at 3pm in the afternoon.
After fifteen minutes and several frantic email searches to find “domain,” “password” and “username” I find one from my web guy. Hurray! But the cheers soon disappear when the dashboard opens and I discover all the posts I had drafted over the course of last year. Seemingly brilliant ideas that were relevant and humorous were now festering carcasses. It was like leaving on holiday with a fridge full of food only to return and discover that your milk and eggs had miraculously copulated, much like Kanye West and Kim Kardashian, creating something completely unholy, and that green thing moving in the bottom shelf was once a carrot.
I cringe and start mass deleting whilst fighting the urge to read them for fear of having wasted a good idea. I amputate quickly, but the impending reality that I will spend the rest of the afternoon wallowing in self-pity for being a lazy cow is inevitable. Wallowing is second nature. After all, I’m a writer who doesn’t write or at least doesn’t write on her own blog. Miserable. It’s already 2013 and I have nothing to show for. Pathetic. How can I call myself an Asian? Traitor!
I need ice cream and I need it fast. Unfortunately the fridge is at least 45 feet away and my wallowing is all consuming and preventing me from actually moving. As I lie listlessly on my couch I wonder if 2013 be any different than 2012. Will things change? I keep telling myself they will, but life always throws a curveball.
After an hour of soul searching and deep meditation.. alright, alright, I fell asleep. I get up and wander over to the fridge and grab an apple. A good sign. Maybe this year will be different after all.